Smoke 13

How deep is your love? – one woman’s fear of submarines leads to emotional displacement in Penge. Has the East End Art Bubble burst? – revival of interest in Dutch masters is confirmed as 24-hour Brueghel shop opens on Brick Lane. “She thought I was the singer’s dad” – North London man, 37, admits that, whilst still believing in the magic of rock’n’roll, continued belief in the magic of a young girl’s soul might simply imply pitiful gullibility. “I’m just going outside and I may be some time” – we investigate bus routes south of Croydon. “They were like creatures from another planet” – traumatised astronomer accidentally muddles British Interplanetary Society cheese & wine evening with Royal Vauxhall Tavern cabaret night. Fromage to Caledonia – George Orwell’s year delivering dairy products in Dundee. “… then I realised I was not only late for my exam but naked too because Osama bin Laden had stolen all my clothes” – how the American Dream changed after 9/11. Fins aren’t what they used to be – new display in Natural History Museum outrages Creationists. Alloa, Alloa – two English airmen and a French policeman cause old-fashioned hilarity in small Scottish town. “… he shouldn’t even have been on the seat” – Boris renews promise to bring back conductors after woman falls in love with dog on number 19. The Third Cousin Twice Removed I Hardly Knew – we discuss Blake Morrison’s poignant new memoir. “We’re losing hearts and minds” – LT Lost Property Office admits PR disaster. “I just don’t know what to do with my shelf” – former manager of Tottenham B&Q recalls the day Dusty Springfield sought his DIY advice.