Four on the sea floor – the king of the deep lets his jive do the talking. It’s a small world – we consider the basic idea behind the desktop globe. Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest – an old‑time pirate recalls the lack of chairs in Wapping pubs before gentrification, ahhrrr. Clip joint Flipper – how a lovable aquatic mammal ended up doing X-rated live shows. “It’s like finding out the Big Apple is just a Cox’s Orange Pippin” – a native New Yorker worries he may be secretly Canadian. Warts and all – why unprotected sex with roundheads is a no-no. One day my plinth will come – a Victorian gentleman arranges delivery of his own saucy memorial. Cultural Desert Island Discs – Peter Ackroyd picks the eight records he’d like with him on the Isle of Dogs. 84, Charing Cross Road – we list 100 London streets in order of usefulness. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum – an old-time pirate complains that in dockside pubs these days rum is just a mixer, and there’s no yo ho ho at all, ahhrrr. William Blake – poet, mystic, nudist. Burger Flipper – how a lovable aquatic mammal ended up working in McDonald’s. Plinth of Darkness – 20ft Beelzebub in Trafalgar Square is “multi-faithism gone mad”, says Boris. If a train stops at Penge West but no one gets off, does it make any sense? – Southern Trains explain Zen thinking behind new winter timetable. Archway – demon-spewing hellmouth, or just bad Sixties town planning? From Pugwash to Mouthwash – an old-time pirate visits the dentist and says ahhrrr. If punk’s not dead, why do all these men in leather jackets smell so funny? – a woman in heels dreams of anarchy. Flipper Burger – how a lovable aquatic mammal ended up replacing the Filet-o-Fish. Plinth Buster – former ska legend gets a job breaking up unwanted statuary.