“Ewww, get a sleeping car!” – a soft shoulder and a warm seat lead to anonymous snuggling on the Hounslow Loop. “You fill up my senses like a night in Tottenham Court Road station” – John Denver sings of his love for the Northern Line. And verily the Lord spake unto Noah saying go forth and build an ark in East Dulwich so that the animals might come in 4x4s – biblical scholars cast doubt on God’s wrath at Congestion Charge in “ancient” scroll. Location location location – a saucy girl puts it about a bit, but luckily has an A-Z. Bare on a night mountain – Simon le Bon toasts Boy George’s marshmallows in front of an open-mouthed Tony Hadley. North Dulwich – why is it south of East Dulwich? Education education education – rattled schools minister rues post‑it note. Seeded baps and floury wraps – a woman in Pret realises there’s more to both love and sandwiches than a damn good filling. Sickert as a parrot – why the Camden Town School enjoyed painting each other as exotic birds. Inflation inflation inflation – how balloons can be used to make a girl swoon; and also amusing and colourful giraffes, dachshunds etc. Dulwich Village – why is it in London? Taking the Orthodox to Surrey Docks – how the new East London Line will improve transport links between Clapton and Canada Water. Repetition repetition repetition – is enough enough? Short, stubby, stuck up in the air – a thoughtful man’s sudden unveiling of his object of love causes consternation in North Kensington. Paddington Goes to Swansea – author Michael Bond concedes that marmalade-loving bear’s latest adventure might not perhaps be his most interesting.