Peckham with a bargepole – a former tillerman remembers his time on the Grand Surrey Canal. Madness, madness, they call it madness – these days, though, shouldn’t they call it a challenging but non‑stigmatising psychological imbalance? We ask Suggs what he thinks. The Pit Bull of the Baskervilles – was Sherlock Holmes a closet Millwall fan? A Streetlamp named Desire – how a young boy’s formative years were spent mostly on top of a pole. “I felt I was entering a long dark tunnel” – four minutes on the Central Line puts various global disasters into perspective. Cabbie! – it’s Taxi Driver the musical, set in Edgware: Robert de Niro might be waiting, but this time he’s left the meter running. Gdansk with a Stranger – how young woman’s formative years were spent mostly on top of a Pole. Military coo – are exploding pigeons the latest weapon in Blair’s nascent police-state? Peckham with a bargepole – a former Bermondsey docker names the things he still wouldn’t touch. Bowels in the life of a top London hospital – Spooneresque typo results in Smoke’s most unpleasant article yet. A Study in Blue (with White Trim) – why Watson didn’t like Holmes, and why Holmes didn’t care. Freddie Mercury: demoniacal presence ruling our city’s darkest corner, or harmless moustachioed cheesemonger? – Ben Elton denies responsibility for previously unseen levels of Evil in London’s theatre district. “A young woman, whom I wouldn’t presume to think of possessively as ‘mine’, has me-related issues” – it’s Madness gone politically correct. London’s real-life Dirty Dens – a senior Brent sanitary officer compares Harlesden, Willesden and Neasden. The nocturnal lure of the Medway Towns – why we worry about some of our contributors.